What happens when police stop you on the street and you start shaking? | Shane’s Story
Most of society doesn’t realise this stuff happens. Shane is a peer worker who lives and breathes NUAA’s mission to advance the health, rights and dignity of people who use drugs. Unfortunately, Shane is regularly stopped by police and his healthy fear of police means he can barely breathe around them — which makes him look even more suspicious.
UN: What are your experiences of interacting with police?
Shane: I have a long history of police stopping and searching me. I get stopped about once every couple of months. But I’ve been lucky enough to never have to go to court for anything... or worse.
I’ve had 2 friends who were murdered by police. I’ve had friends who were raped by police. I’ve been beaten by police. I used to fuck cops to get their protection.
I have a healthy fear of police, but it screws me over every time they talk to me. Being around police triggers me. I shake, perspire and struggle to breathe – it is a sign of trauma. It’s a flight or fight reflex. I can’t turn it off. It is humiliating and the police take it as a sign of guilt.
I'm aware that what is happening to me is only a reality for the minority. Most of society doesn’t realise this stuff happens. I've argued with people who say I'm imagining it or making it up. People don’t want to believe it.
I would not choose to interact with the police. Yet it is forced upon me, and I have to try to respond politely without shaking. I have to give them my time and dumb myself down and refrain from telling them I know my rights and I have to act like it’s all good and we’re just buddies. But in that moment, I'm like their pet drug user, poor person, Māori, or poof. I am proud of being those things, and yet I am made to feel —and look— like a criminal just for existing in public.
UN: Why do you think you are targeted? Do you 'look bad', or do individual police know you?
Shane: I don’t know what it is. I have swagger. I'm dark-skinned. There's something about me that makes me stand out in a crowd and makes people feel that they are right to judge me or label me.
Women hold their handbags when they walk past me. Security guards in shops follow me.
Maybe some police know me, but you’d think they’d stop wasting their time on me by now.
I am a sensitive person, and it makes me stand out. I could be wearing a suit, but I'd still be slightly odd. The same thing that makes me a good peer worker also makes me stand out to police.
I’m also always aware of police. It’s like looking out for a bump in the footpath. And sometimes when you’re aware of something, you’re more likely to get its attention.
UN: How does it feel being stopped?
Shane: First, I feel scared for my life.
I worry that if I get caught on the street, they might search my home and put my loved ones in danger. I've heard of that happening to people I know. The recent news about police not needing a warrant to search the homes of people who have ever been caught with drugs is not news for me. Police never needed a warrant to search my house.
Second, I feel like I don’t belong.
I become uncomfortably aware that my race and my class make me stand out in public.
It might not be so degrading if other people were treated like that.
There's a range of looks I get. One of them gives me the feeling this policeperson or onlooker was bullied by a Polynesian at school. They see the Polynesian in me and it triggers the rage they had when they were 12.
Then last, I feel anger and frustration at the individual police and the system.
You can't ask them why you have to prove yourself when the guy in the suit next to me doesn’t. You can't ask police that because they’ll think you’re being aggressive or smart, and they expect you to be submissive.
I’m a 56-year-old man who doesn’t like feeling like they need to be submissive, especially walking in the streets or going to get takeaway — and suddenly there's police in your face.
Six months ago, a police car “Curb crawled” beside me. He stuck a hand out and beckoned with his finger “Come here”, like I was a naughty dog. My body started to shake. And they noticed.
They barked, “I don’t know your face, why don’t I know you”. And I’m supposed to stand there and say “I don’t know why you don’t know me”. But what I want to say is “Why the fuck would I know you?”. Their insinuation is that I've been hiding from them. It puts me in a suffocating box.
They check me out on the radio, get my birthdate, address, and ask “Have you been in trouble?” and I say “A long time ago”. They look my record up anyway. Then they see I'm boring and they deflate and say “Ok, on your way”.
Most people have a charge in their background. Your past mistakes shouldn’t be carried around with you forever. My brother got caught shoplifting when he was 10. No one should look at him 30 years later and assume he is a criminal. No one should have to explain themselves when they’re walking on the street not bothering anyone else.
But when you start talking about rights and dignity, they don’t understand what you’re talking about. They take your dignity. And they pick their targets — they kick people who are down.
Complaining or trying to claim your rights puts the police on the defensive because they aren’t expecting to be questioned. They're not expecting to have their rights as police questioned.
There's this look of disdain on their face when you question them. It says “Who the fuck are you to ask the police to prove themselves?”. They make clear the fact that they're doing their job and you should accept that you have to prove yourself.
So, I dumb myself down so that the 20-year-old in a uniform doesn’t have to feel like I am going to hold them to account or make them answer a question. It makes me feel really alone. It makes me feel like i’m really undervalued by those people and that pisses me off. I'm a whole person. I know I have value. It is demeaning when I’ve devoted myself to being better.
UN: What was the most recent time police stopped you?
Shane: I was riding my bike and had groceries and the cop said – “you've been smoking pot mate?” And I said, “I’d rather not talk about that with you”. He said, “I think it's strange” and I said flatly, “Wouldn't it be odd if I asked a stranger that?”. He was trying to get me to say out loud that I was partaking so that he could justify searching me. I’m not that stupid, but so many people incriminate themselves because they are intimidated or tricked into friendly banter.
UN: Did it get worse during lockdown?
Shane: It was worse. Our house & bedrooms got searched by 2 police officers. They gave no reason except to say it was a “COVID search”. They didn’t even explain what that meant or what they were looking for. If they ask to come inside and I say “No”, then there is a chance I'll be spending the night in the cell.
My partner and were having dinner, and then suddenly we have to be in a box acting like we’re simple indigenous boys, who aren't going to embarrass the police. I wanted to defend my partner from being spoken to roughly by police, but knew I’d just make it worse.
We were also stopped on the street more, but at least they didn’t get too close!
UN: Have you ever been caught with anything?
Shane: No, even when I’ve had a joint or cap on me.
UN: Do you know what you’re meant to do if you’re stopped?
Shane: I know I have to give my name, DOB and address, and show ID – it gets them off my back quicker. And then I try to say nothing until I get a lawyer.
UN: Did you try and film or record the police?
Shane: No. I was always too late. I'm also anxious about doing it. It could make me safe, but it could also put me in danger.
UN: Have you ever had any positive interactions with police?
Shane: No. Never.
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